Are you THAT colleague?

It’s nearly two years since I’ve been in the advertising industry. So many learnings, and many more unlearnings. But what remain intact are my creepy (yet nearly accurate) observation skills. Applying these skills, I’ve compiled a list of the various kinds of colleagues I have come across, and even you will, at some point in time.

1.  THE WHINY NITPICKER

This one doesn’t need a reason to complain. Right from the squeaky chair to the task assigned, the weather change or a change in policies. It takes just one jab to get their complaint tape started, and then there’s no stopping to the whining.

2 .THE SILENT NINJA

Quietly gliding in and out of office, unfazed by the chaos, Friday night plans or blaring music- that’s the Silent Ninja for you. This one will keep to himself, nail all tasks, score brownie points and make you wonder ‘When…what…how?!’ So up your game, cause the Silent Ninja will take you down when you least expect it.

3. THE ABUSIVE RANTER

“Dimag ka bhos** mat kar. Mein kya chutya lagta hoon jo ek din mein itna kaam karunga? Client ko bol gaan* marane. I’m not a fucking machine. Zindagi jhand kar di hai tum logon ne.” Ermm. Know what I mean?

4. THE CHILLERS

These ones are the chilled out kinds. They never lose their cool, will go out of their way to help you, grab a beer with you after a rough day at work, and discuss everything else but work. Oh, how I love the chillers!

5. THE ‘I’m gonna make your life a living hell’ WORKAHOLIC

Glued to the laptop 24×7, assigning jobs on weekends to tormented juniors and ensuring that at least one of them goes home puffy eyed every week – the Workaholic needs no further introduction. Steer clear of this lot. And unless you want them to make things worse for you, never ask them the question – “Do you even go home?!”

6. THE ASS LICKER

Every workplace has one of these. The ass licker, or commonly known as the boss’s pet. This one will be ready to do anything to please the boss. Make PPTs day and night, take the beating from frustrated clients, co-ordinate meetings, open doors, scrub toilet seats…practically do ANYTHING.

7. THE SELFIE EXPERT

Early to work? Takes a quick click. Loo break? Ah, there’s the mirror. Team lunch? Selfies toh banta hai. This one doesn’t waste any time in clicking a zillion selfies. Even if it means pulling in disinterested colleagues and forcibly putting smiles on their faces! We all have a selfie champion among us.

8. THE GOSSIP HOUND

This one is the gossip guardian. With an inherent knack to squeeze out details from each one at work, you can rely on this person for all classified information. Break ups or hook ups, our in-house khabri keeps stock of everything you need to know.

9. THE SOCIAL BUTTERFLY

She knows every colleague in every department of the office and charms her way through. Basically, this one befriends everyone, makes the connections and is the socialite in the office. Make sure you befriend her too!

10. THE FASHIONISTA

All hell may break loose at work, there may be crazy deadlines to meet but this one’s outfit will always be on fleek. For all fashion related advice, please run to the Fashionista.

So come on now, own up and tell me – which one  are YOU?